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Show and Tell Day
Middle Wife - by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher. This is very funny.

I've been teaching for about fifteen years and have two precious kids myself, but the
best birth story I know is the one I encountered in my second grade classroom a few
years ago.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few sessions with my
students. It actually helps them get over shyness. Normally, show-and-tell is pretty
calm and painless. Kids have brought pet turtles, airplane models, pictures of fish
they've caught, etc. I never set any boundaries or limitations on what the kids bring. If
they want to haul anything into the school and discuss, I say bring it on.

Well, one day a very outgoing and bright little girl, Erica, goes to take her turn and
waddles up to the front of the classroom with a pillow shoved under her shirt. She
holds up a picture of an infant and says, "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going
to talk about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a symbol of
their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my Mommy's tummy, and Luke grew inside
there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, I'm trying not to laugh and wishing
I had my camcorder with me. The kids watched her in amazement.

Erica continues with her story, "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mommy starts
saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' She puts one hand behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like 1 hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" (Now this girl's doing a
hilarious duck waddle and groaning.) "My Dad called the middle wife who delivers
babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my
Mommy to lie down in bed like this. (Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall) And then, POP! My Mommy had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and splashed all over the bed, like psschhheew! (This kid
has her legs spread with her little hands imitating water flowing away. It was too
much!) Then the middle wife started saying, 'push, push, push' and 'breathe, breathe,
breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out
came my baby brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they said was from
Mommy's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I
applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I make sure to
bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

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