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Did you know that
Hitler and Napoleon
were both missing
one testicle ?
Did you know
that there are
fewer people in
Los Angeles
than there are
automobiles?
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day & most
of the night.

Mick, the bartender, says "You won't be drinking anymore
tonight, Paddy." Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way
den."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on
his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off.

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He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He
falls flat on his face.
He takes a look up the stairs
and says "No fookin'' way."

But he crawls up the stairs
to his bedroom door and
says, "I can make it to the
bed."

Again he pulls himself up by
the door frame, takes a step
into the room and falls flat
on his face.
"Bejesus . . I'm fookin'' foocked," says he.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the
door, shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and
collapses inside.
He says "Dock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?"

Paddy says, "I did, Jess, I did. I was fookin'' pissed, and how did you
know?"

"Mick the bartender phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."
He takes a step
towards the door and
falls flat on his face.
"Shoite, Shoite!" he
cries.

He looks to the
doorway and says to
himself that if he
can just get to the
door and some fresh
air he'll be fine.