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Funny, Irate Letter to the Passport Office
Dear Mr. Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I
bought a T.V. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Canadian Federal Government is
still asking me where I was born and on what date?

For Christ's sake, do you guys do this by hand?

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My birth date is on my social
insurance card, and it is on all
the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 30 years. It is on
my health insurance card, my
driver's license, on the last
eight goddamn passports I've
had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I've
had to fill out before being
allowed off the planes over the
last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that
are done around election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever
changed between now and when I die!!!

SH*T!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me,
I've had enough of this bullsh*t! You send the application to my house, then you
ask me for my f*ckin? address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal
a$$holes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don?t want to dig up Yasser
Arafat, for sh*t sakes. I just want to go and park my a$$ on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on
visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to
a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, cause' I have to go to the other end of the city and get
another f*ckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the
issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the f*ckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find
some a$$hole to confirm that it's really me on the god*amn picture - you know,
the one where we're not allowed to smile?
(F*ckin' Morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're
totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate F_cking Canadian
Citizen.

P.S.

Remember what I said about the picture
and getting someone to confirm that it's
me? Well, my family has been in this
country since 1776 when one of my
forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for
something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.

I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have
been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am, you know, someone
like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST F_CKING CHINA!!!

Hamilton , Ontario Canada