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Did you know that
Hitler and Napoleon
were both missing
one testicle ?
Did you know
that there are
fewer people in
Los Angeles
than there are
automobiles?
1. A man comes into the
ER and yells, 'My wife's
going to have her baby in
the cab!' I grabbed my
stuff, rushed out to the
cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take
off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs -
and I was in the wrong
one.
Funny Dr. Stories
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX .

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I
instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now,
the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How
long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she
answered...'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman
and asked, 'So how's your
breakfast this morning?' 'It's
very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste' the
patient replied. I then asked
to see the jelly and the
woman produced a foil
packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard
Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there
was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work
and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No doctor,
but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'.

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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